LIVE from New Mexico (Part 2)

My luggage did finally arrive. The next morning I reported for duty and was told that due to a supplier issue, they couldn't do any testing. No problem, since I was scheduled to be working double shifts, I took the opportunity to see some local sites since I likely would not have that opportunity once testing got under way. I drove about an hour Northeast of Las Cruces to White Sands National Monument. On my way back, I stopped at the White Sands Missile Test Range. The museum was closing as I arrived, but I was able to walk around the missile display out front and take some pictures. Not exactly what I was expecting for my first day of "testing", but I'm glad I got the opportunity because these last two days have been pretty intense. Like my days of Y2K Testing, the work is not technically difficult, just time consuming. There's a lot of hurry up and waiting. Last night I didn't get back to my hotel until close to midnight. Tonight is looking to be another full night.

My job this week is to collect data about small chunks of ice that are being shot out of an air gun, hence the irony that I should be showered with projectile water at the airport. If nothing else, the experience has taught me quite a bit about testing procedure and the technical nomenclature that is used in a test environment. It's amazing the knowledge one can glean just from active listening. For example, yesterday I witnessed ice moving "faster than a scalded-ass ape". Now, I never knew a scalded ape could move that quickly or, for that matter, that an ape's ass could become scalded. One is left wondering, how would such an event take place? Perhaps if the ape fell into a volcano backwards, his or her ass might become scalded. I guess if that happened the ape would be moving at a pretty good clip.

Another good example occurred today. The ice flew out of the gun at literally the speed of a jet airplane, which apparently is comparable to the speed at which "greased owl shit" moves.

Greased owl shit.

It seems to me the immediate question is at exactly what point does the owl shit become greased—before or after it leaves the owl? Ever the scientific mind, I Googled it. I got 2,310 hits.

The very first result is a long thread of messages on the topic of whether or not owl shit is indeed slick. "Seems to me it would take a certain narrow set of circumstances for anyone to know just how slick owl shit was" proclaims one of the posts. While I would be inclined to agree, ironically a few posts later someone seems to know and says owl shit is "quite liquid and white, and can burn the paint off a truck". I trust this fact was learned the hard way. This dissertation goes on for four pages.

A quick survey of some of the other 2,309 hits indicates that in relation to owl shit one can be slicker, faster, slower or smellier. You can also put owl shit through a tin horn or on a hickory limb. Even George Carlin recognizes owl shit in his "Filthy Words" routine, so I guess it must be really good shit, pardon the pun.

Another scientific fact that came out of today's events: "If my grandma had balls she'd be my grandpa." No owl shit? If that doesn't beat a scalded monkey's ass, who wudda thunk?

I'll let you look that one up.